Every year about this time, I begin to look at the next school year. Many of you know that I teach special ed. I love it and have been blessed by it. But around this time, I begin to evaluate if me teaching is working for my family. Being a working mom (outside the home- I know sah mom's work too!), while trying to keep up with everything else at times is very tiring. When I took this new job, I told the principal that I took it year by year. I could only commit to one school year at a time. I am not going to lie- this year has been ROUGH! By far the "worst" year ever. Of course this has me thinking "Do I really want to do this next year???".
I know God led me into special ed and teaching. I have now doubt about that at all. God knew that my heart was for children with special needs. But, at the same time, God blessed me with 4 beautiful children. He entrusted them to me, and my most important job is to make sure that I am training them up in Him. I have no doubt that God will lead me to where he wants me to be and what he wants me to do. My job till then- not to worry (which is SO hard for me). Why do I worry so much....is it not knowing , not having a plan? Yep- I am pretty sure that is it. :) I like to know what is going on, or at least know what direction I am going. But as part of the ME makeover, I am doing my best to be still and listen. Listen for Gods nudge on which way to go. Listen to His voice as He speaks His will for me. Praying constantly that my worry will not interfere with, or over shadow His voice.
Do any of you find it hard not to worry, or to give up that control that you "think" you have over it all??
5 comments:
Marie, I don't want to try and persuade you one way or the other. That's probably not a wise thing for a mil to do. But know if you make the choice to stay home, you will be blessed in that decision. Jaiden is growing so fast and when I add up the hours you have with him, I know there is a sacrifice on everyone's part when you work. You do a wonderful job of making it all work, but I feel your tiredness and frustration at trying to get it all done and participate in all the other things that you have an opportunity to experience at your new church home. We will support whatever decision you make. We love you as our own flesh and blood. Prayers and hugs.
It is hard to be a mom, whether you stay at home or work outside the home. I have no words of wisdom, but I do know what it's like to have the inner conflict of which is better, working or SAH.
Personally, I would quit teaching in a heartbeat if we could afford it. I always feel like such a bad mom spending all day with kids who are not my own. People told me it would get easier, but for me, it never has.
On the other hand, now that I have a kindergardener, I am so thankful for Christian teachers in public schools. We NEED godly teachers. And then I feel guilty/selfish for wanting to quit teaching! Praying that you will have peace in your decision, whatever it will be :-)
It seems that the things I do worry about our things I can't do anything about any way. That makes no sense to even worry about them.
Melissa, I so agree. We are at a point where it will benefit our family for me to work one more year. And I am SO thankful for the Christian teachers my children have had. But I do miss and feel guilty at times of using all my energy on others kids. I have to guard myself real well not to give my all to them. Thank you so much for the prayers!
Trey- I do that at times as well. I worry about the little things and the big- many of which I can't do anything about! Giving God that worry and praying that he will take it and I won't take it back!
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