Saturday, January 07, 2012

Eloquent Words

There are some people who are so eloquent in their speech.  I am not one of those people.  I would love to be, as I love reading what they say and I always think, " That is what I want to say, but I can't get it out that well".  The funny thing about that is that I teach Language Arts.  That encompasses reading, grammar and WRITING.  Do you see the irony?  Oh I can form a well structured paragraph, but it isn't always eloquent.  :)  As my students sometime have trouble, I often have trouble expressing myself with words.  I have to think about what I want to say, because let's face it.  Sometimes words don't come out right.  I want to be (and have to be) intentional with what I say, and I want to make it count.  All that to say- this will not be an eloquent post.  If that is what you are looking for- slide on by!  It will be filled with mistakes that I will  miss (and probably not go back to change once I see them, because let's face it...there won't be time as the kids start to get up), phrases that will make people think I might need some sort of therapy, and will possibly make someone laugh.  

I don't always have a lot of time to read blogs like I would love to.  I stumbled across a post that is circulating around facebook.  I read it, I laughed, I nodded my head, and led to another blog post that humbled my heart, straightened my mind and put a resolve in my heart.  You see...we are in the throng of child rearing.  We are in the throng of teaching our children right from wrong.  There are days, that I go to bed thinking.." today I snapped at the kids who were not getting ready fast enough for school, so we were almost late, then I taught someone elses kids who have no respect for me, themselves or others; I came home and rushed to get it all done- ignored and pushed away to prepare dinner; I encouraged and at times argued with the homework child; I said NO more times that I can count; I broke up arguments; I tried to snuggle with my kids, but they argued like cats and dogs and didn't listen; then they are put in bed with a hug, kiss and sigh from a tired mom" how the heck did that go?  Not well!  It is not easy when there are days you feel like you are always saying no, always questioning if you are raising and teaching them right since they fight like crazy and are not the kindest to one another.  There are days that I struggle with consistency, and not sighing and saying "fine" or "Whatever".  Tossing in the towel on those days would be so easy and yet so destructive.  Not to say it never happens, but I regret the days I did that.  It always returns much worse.  God blessed me with these babies, he entrusted me with them.  What a great responsibility it is.  To teach them right from wrong, to teach them about love, grace, hope, kindness, patience, self control.  To teach them to turn the cheek and not retaliate, that two wrongs DO NOT make a right.  To teach them to stand up for what they believe and for each other.  To protect their minds while allowing them to grow and learn.  It is not for the faint at heart.  But daily, God renews my mind and whispers- "You can.  You can do this.  I wouldn't have given them to you if I didn't know you could do this.  Yes, it is hard.  Not everything is easy.  As you teach my children, you grow and you seek more of me.  You are teaching them to seek me.  Will you mess up?  Of course, but you seek forgiveness and your children learn that from you.  Love them, trust me."  So each morning, I pray to  not take them for granted.  To not wish these years to be gone.  To wake up each day and remember that my job will be tough, but that HE will carry me through the hard days, and that one day all the hard work will hopefully pay off.  That one day my children will rise with thoughts of HIM, and will love others to show them Him.  
Until then I will "no" away, I will love with toughness, and snuggle and bestow grace when needed.