As the new year comes and I realize just how many changes are on their way, I have to sit and re-arrange my thinking. For so long I feel as if I have been struggling to do every day things. I feel that Satan has used these thoughts to his advantage and I haven't been the person that God has designed me to be. There are so many days that I feel so inadequate in my tasks as a child of God, Wife, Mother and Friend. I struggle to feel as if I am getting it all done and doing a good job of it.
Working outside the home has restructured out life in so many ways, as well as the kids being in school. Now that the boys play sports and Riley will be starting this spring, our lives get so hectic. And now that we are adding #4 into the mix, I struggle to see how I can continue to be good at it all. I am not a perfectionist, but I certainly want to do things well. I want to be everything for everyone. It not only wears me down, but I tend to leave me out of the equation. Please hear me when I say that I do love my job and I am in no way complaining that I am working. The students I work with can wear my patience on any given day, but I do enjoy it. There is part of me that would love to keep working, and there is part of me that would love to stay home. As I have been contemplating the upcoming year, I have decided to make several changes and carry a few over from last year that I started but need to take them to a higher level.
I am going to start with my goals for this blog. I am a sporadic blogger. I haven't been consistent, and I use to be. I get so caught up in the business of life that I don't get to express my thoughts or share my family as much as I want to. I hope to make this more of a priority this year. It will change in nature a little bit as I would love to continue to post about my family, but I also want to post my thoughts and struggles. I know this blog can be an outlet for my thoughts and that I can offer encouragement and receive it as well. And many times, just getting my thoughts out and in words help me to sort through them and gain a better perspective.
I also want to make sure this year that I am truly taking time for my relationships. I want to take time everyday to spend time with my Father. Not only to read uplifting books, but to read the Bible and truly study his word. As my children grow older I want to be able to set an example of spending time daily in the Word and I want to be as knowledgeable as I can to help them understand. I also want to make sure that I have time for Matt. We usually try to snag time after the kids go to bed, but he needs to be a top priority in my life. He is my best friend and he is an amazing father to our kids. I am so blessed to have him in my life and want to make more time for him- to give him my undivided attention. I also want to spend time with my children one on one. I love to read to them and spend time doing things with them, but often we are rushing through the evening and after they are in bed I wonder what time I was truly with them. I plan to use my time more wisely with my family.
I also want to take time to keep me healthy. I would be lying if I said that I am as healthy as I should be. Honestly it is not about the weight that i have gain over the years, or the fact that my body looks nothing like it did 9 years ago. There are times I wish that I looked that way again, but my main goal with eating healthy and exercising is to be strong and healthy. If I never get to my pre-kids weight and size, that is ok. I want to make sure that I am healthy so that I can spend a lifetime with them (Lord willing). I know that means making better food choices, and portion sizes, but it also means exercising. Making time in my day for at least 30 min of exercise (more than walking up and down the stairs with loads of laundry). So I am starting simple with 30 min. I know that is attainable and if I can I will add more to it through out the year.
I also want to make the most of everyday. When people see me I don't want them to just see me, I want them to see Christ. I want them to see Him in all I do and I want him to receive all the credit. I want to remember that each day is a blessing and not to waste it. I want Him to use me each day for my family and friends. I don't want to be involved in the politics of school, or in the gossip that happens in the work place.
I know there are more things that I would like to work on and I plan to post about them from time to time. I just know that He has so much more planned for me than I am allowing Him to do with me. I need to step aside and let Him work, mold and create me to be all He has ordained for me to be. Only then will I be able to be all that I can be for Him, Matt and my children.
I pray that you all (however many of you are left reading here) have a wonderful 2010 and that He makes you all to be what He wants you to be!